I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
