You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
