I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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