I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
