i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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