When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
