I didn't shave. On purpose
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
