we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This toilet bowl is my home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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