my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All the doctor said was why
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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