There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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