I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
