just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found puke in my bra..
My ATM looks so different sober.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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