i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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