So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
