Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize