I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
