i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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