her facebook's as public as her vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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