And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize