There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
