you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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