goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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