this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize