I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize