I think i peed on brittanys purse
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
