I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
