never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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