So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
