you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
