toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Are we still banned from the library?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
