I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
