fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
