It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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