Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
