dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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