no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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