He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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