am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
