But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
