You can't special order awesome
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize