the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
