i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I could make wine with my vomit
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
