Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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