Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
