If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
