Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
