so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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