Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
