Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize