why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
