Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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