Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
