there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
