Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Randomize