We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
