Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
