hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
