I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
