I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
