im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
