Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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