do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
