I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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