HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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