you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Enjoy the penises
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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