If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
