Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
