hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
