Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
