We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
