my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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