FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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