plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
