Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
