how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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