cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I smell stomach acid.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
