you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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