Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
