If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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