I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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