We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
