I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
