The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
