I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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