New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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