you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize