I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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