No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
