Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize