he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
