I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
