12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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