Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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