So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize