How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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