i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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