Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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