Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
