i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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