well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
