I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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