I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
