Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Come on in and take your pants off
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