i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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