rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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