Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
