She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize